Noise Pollution

Today, Saturday, running a few errands around the county (strawberries up on Manchester/805, tequila from Trader Joe’s, a quick Costco run (try the goat-cheese-and-fig spread!)), I had the chance to listen to a little up-tighty, whitey, righty radio, courtesy of KFI in Los Angeles. Normally, I’d be checking out the Final 4 basketball games, but had decided to DVR them for later viewing. So I was able to get up-to-speed on the latest Right Wing Talking Points!

1) (as heard on the “Charles Payne Show”(?)): There will be a shortage of doctors under Obama-care! With all the “freeloaders” pouring into the system, who will treat them??!!

WTF, is this ass-face talking about?  Been to a hospital waiting room, lately? I have. I live with a 93-year-old-woman (no, not my wife!). It takes 3 hours to get an aspirin. Where did this one come from?

2) (as heard on the same show): recently hired new gun-toting IRS inspectors will have “unlimited power”, all to squeeze money out of Joe Citizen to fund health care reform. Funny, I heard this at the gym the other day from some paunchy fossil, so I assume this one has made the rounds, and, sure enough, a quick google search revealed scores of media-right references. But a brief check revealed this as just more bullshit from the same lying c**ks****ers who brought you death panels.

3) The aptly named Payne was replaced by “The Tim Conway, Jr. Show”.  Allow me to digress a moment: only 2 people in my talk show career have ever had me trapped in a radio studio, laughing so uncontrolably as to be unable to speak. One was Tim Conway (Sr.) and the other was, surprisingly, Charles Grodin. On the other hand, Tim Conway, Jr. is not funny, he’s just stupid. His R.W.T.P. was that the tea party should not be dismissed as just a bunch of racist morons. He cited at blog written by Juan Williams.

(R.W.T.P. alert: whenever possible, quote a “liberal” taking a conservative position on an issue. It makes you appear “fair”. Please keep in mind that Williams works for Fox Television, and he wasn’t all that liberal when he was on PBS.)

Conway Jr.’s first call was from a tea-bagger who dispelled the notion that his movement was “Republican”: “We are Democrats, Republicans, and Independents. All we want to do is return the Republican Party to its core conservative values.”

Really? Democrats and Independents want to return the Republican Party to its “core conservative values”? Why would a Democrat want to do that? And why would an Independent give a shit? The caller was practically screaming, his inner, imbecilic rage coming to the surface. Conway Jr. didn’t flinch. He had proven his point: the tea-baggers were mainstream America.

That was all I could handle folks. After the car , laden with its bounty of tequila, strawberries, goat cheese, top sirloin, and Fruit Loops, pulled into the driveway, I practically ran to the television, to the soft cocoon of college basketball. I stared at the remote, momentarily, wondering which button to push, the result of brain cell die-off. I share this with you now to spare you the same fate…

The Last Refuge of the Scoundrel

I’ll be the first to admit that I’m coming late to the California primary wars, but even I couldn’t avoid catching Republican gubernatorial candidate Steve Poizner’s ubiquitous new campaign ad. You know the one: Steve is single-handedly keeping a car from going over a cliff. The car, I think, is California, and the cliff, I think, is financial ruin. What you don’t see is who’s driving the car, but the voice-over tells the story:

Of course, an illegal immigrant is driving the California car over the cliff of financial ruin and only Steve Poizner, the Buford Pusser  of Insurance Commissioners,  is there to stop it. Thank God, because Meg Whitman, Poizner’s opponent in the primaries, is just another Muslim-commie like Barack Hussein Obama, as this ad graphically explains:

Talk about feeling out of the loop! Hell, I thought the 12% unemployment rate, the collapse of Wall Street and it’s trillion dollar bail-out, the demise of the auto industry, an endless war in the Middle East, and a 30% nose dive in the real estate market were the factors that took Cali to the brink of economic meltdown, when all along it was the illegal immigrant, California’s perpetual political bogey man. Shit fire! Of late, I thought the little brown-skinned bastards were guilty of nothing more than shattering the early morning silence with their damnable leaf-blowers and driving their un-waxed and un-sightly Plymouth Neon’s through out toney suburbs, but once again I am forced to confront the reality that the the hermanos are the source of all that is calamitous and evil in our society. I should have known better, since the only Republican candidate in history even dweebier than Poizner, Pete Wilson, reminded me of the same horrors over 20 years ago:

These illegals probably do cost the state a bunch of doe, but who knows? There are a lot of conflicting studies, some of which (horrors!) even suggest that amnesty would at least turn a cash-under-the-table economy into a tax windfall  (see Marijuana, legalization).

In any event, any numbers crunching is beside the point. It’s just comforting to know that I can sleep through 3 or 4 election cycles and get up to speed with a couple of campaign ads on tv. The guy or gal who cleans the slop off your table at your favorite restaurant has been, is, and always will be the source of all that is evil in California. At least according to Republicans.

Ya Got Trouble My Friend, Right Here in River City!!!

Saturday , for reasons even I can’t fathom, I flicked on NBC’s “The Today Show”. Suddenly the morning’s gentle, newly- formed vibrations were tsunami-ed by the spectacle of Sarah Palin addressing a Tea Party mob in Searchlight, Nevada. Anchorman Lester Holt, who’s face always looks like it’s about to rupture into a smirk, was playing it straight this time, soberly addressing the phenomenon of thousands of disaffected “real” citizens, led by their anointed pompom girl,  descending on Harry Reid’s hometown to “take back America”.

Normally I would have lunged for the remote in search of some more intellectually stimulating fare, like, let’s say, “Man Vs. Food” or “America’s Dirtiest Jobs”, but instead was immediately sucked in . There was Sarah, in all of her Peggy Hill glory, telling the crowd “We’re saying the big government, big debt, Obama-Pelosi-Reid spending spree is over, you’re fired!” There was the mob, erupting into cheers! There was Palin, again: “How’s that hopey-changey thing working out for you?” Grown men swooned, women wept.  The camera cut to one woman’s homemade sign, next to a picture of President Obama with devil horns, that read  “Liar, Thug, Traitor, Commie Usurper.” Finally, Palin announced  “We’re not going to sit down and shut up.”, and the crowd exploded into an orgasmic frenzy. America was safely back in their hands again.

No, Sarah and her un-glued acolytes are not going to sit down and shut up any time soon, and the media will continue to treat the “movement” with respect and dignity. Look, when the bible of your religion is Glenn Beck’s “Arguing with Idiots” and your savior is Sarah Palin, you deserve about as much dignity and respect as the fools who jump into Lake Winnebago on New Years Day. But, in fact, journalists and pundits instead are stumbling all over themselves trying to explain the tea party phenomenon. Just in today’s New York Times, there are three seperate pieces that attempt to analyze the tea baggers. Two columnists, Frank Rich and Charles M. Blow, are convinced that racism motivates the mob, while reporter Kate Zernike thinks the ‘ baggers are merely the unemployed with too much time on their hands.

All three may be partially right, but is it possible that the tea party movement is just a collection of gullible idiots, whipped into a frenzy by pitiless demagogues? The bunch that was so easily convinced that “death panels” would rule the land and that Obama is a Kenyan-born Muslim, now believe that a law that leaves 100% of medical coverage in the hands of for-profit insurance companies is communistic. Hell, they’ve even traipsed out Joe-the-Fucking-Plumber  again, proving that there is literally nobody unworthy of their rapt attention.

Actually I hope these shitbirds don’t sit down and shut up. They are a constant source of amusement for me , plus they’re single-handedly making the Republican Party irrelevant. And besides ,were it not for a subculture of the misinformed leading the uninformed, no one would  flip this clown’s rock and put him on national television:

Apocalypse Now, Damn It!

I haven’t been shy about criticizing Obama and congressional Dem’s on their trembling,  tepid, and timorous approach to governing from a majority position. You can liken them to the kid who, against all odds, finally makes the varsity baseball team, lucks into a starting position, than stands in the field all day secretly hoping that nobody hits the ball in his direction. I realize that dealing from a position of weakness in the health care reform debate has more to do with obstreperous “Blue Dog” Democrats than it does with paranoiac Repugs (these jokers wouldn’t have voted for health care reform if the bill had contained a provision putting the head of Kaiser Permanente on the U.S. Supreme Court). So as I watched the proverbial sausage factory slowly crank out the final product, my initial reaction was: typical Dems, winning the battle, losing the war.

But, holy shit, even I couldn’t possibly have imagined to what a ridiculous extent the Republicans and their pea-brained media mouthpieces would over-play their hand! From shouting “the N-word” at respected congressional civil rights pioneers, to death threats  against reform proponents, to referring to the President as “Buckwheat”, the recent paroxysmsof the conservative movement have exposed it for the soul-less, racist, paranoid, and anti-intellectual movement it really is. And congressional Republicans, eager to seize upon the free-floating anger of the tea baggers, have managed to yoke themselves to a runaway shit wagon. This ridiculous sideshow was intended to be the “Waterloo” of the Obama presidency , but if the Dems play their cards right, instead should drive the Republican party into a hole so deep and dark that even David Duke couldn’t find his ass with both hands.

The lesson seems to be this: timidity beats stupidity, even if barely. That poor kid standing in center field with his glove on the wrong hand doesn’t have to worry about the ball hit in his direction as long as the guy in the batter’s box has a white hood pulled down over his eyes.

Bitter, Party of One, Your Table is Ready


What would you have if all of the cretinous Joe-the-Plumbers, Sarah Palin fetishists, brain-washed geezers, racist weirdos, and the just plain dumb-asses all showed up in one place at the same time? Yes, you’ve got it, a Tea Party rally

And I thought the Reagan-era righties, with their zany idolatry of the retarded Old Gipper, were a low point for the conservative movement, but that bunch at least had a certain sense of decorum.  The Tea Partyers openly display their ignorance, paranoia, intolerance, and brutishness with great self-satisfaction. And it’s all coming to a head with the “debate” over “Obama-care”.

Despite the reality that our Professor-in-Chief and his Dem colleagues on Capital Hill have concocted a scheme that is reform in name only, the Tea Baggers would have you believe it’s a commie take-over. What, are they all insurance salesmen? It’s the only thing that could possibly explain the rabid, hyperbolic, right wing reaction to a bill that still leaves all the reins of health care in the grubby mitts of insurance companies and H.M.O.’s.

And as for Obama, Pelosi, and the rest of the chicken-shit Democrats: congratulations for not getting anything close to what the country needs right now ( a public option), while at the same time, once again, letting the Repugs control the terms of the debate….and giving credibility to a bunch of warped losers,  spewing nonsense, and yet gaining legitimacy, known collectively as The Tea Party.

Stacy Taylor

Radio maverick, writer, escape artist

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